The world told me “Don’t,” but I’m choosing to trust myself
Why we keep giving away our power, and how we can stop it
Exhausted. Depleted. Lost. It’s how many of us appear to be feeling these days.
Algortithms seems to gain more and more control on the rhythm of our everyday lives and we’ve been thrown into a state of “keeping up”. F*ck, the FOMO is real. The price of not keeping up? Feeling that if we don’t, we fall behind.
I remember when I was a child, constantly running behind my dad. My short, tiny legs couldn’t keep up with the fast pace he walked, so I had to run just to be able to walk by his side. That’s more or less how I felt for the first 30 years of my life, keeping up, moving at the speed and rhythm of the world so I wouldn’t be overlooked or forgotten.
This is how most of us feel every day after we wake up, running and adjusting to others all the time. We start the day scrolling, looking whats happening outside, without even taking a moment to initiate the day with a self check-in, understanding how we feel?, what we need?, before engaging with the world.
Maybe we work in content creation, maybe we run our own businesses, maybe we work for someone else, that really doesn’t matter. What is important is that we’ve fallen into the trap of keeping up. We’ve allowed the world to tell us it’s better to look for answers outside of ourselves. We’ve permitted feelings like FOMO to become the operating system of our daily lives, even at the cost of shutting down our inner voice.
I find it interesting that even in an era of social media, online business, and AI, where the possibilities to expand financially and socially are countless, people feel more burned out and miserable than ever before. Not because we are ill or physically tired, but because we’re mentally and emotionally exhausted. Exhausted from the disconnection. Exhausted from the life force we lose when our attention constantly goes outside of us.
Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Why do we keep creating content, working jobs, building businesses, or forcing online growth based on standards we don’t even believe in?
Running beside my dad wasn’t really a choice, not a conscious one. I just didn’t want to be left behind. I didn’t want to feel abandoned. And even though we technically have the choice not to run when we’re adults, most of us still do. Like my two-year-old self, we run because we don’t like the idea of being left at the end of the line. We run to not “fail”. We run to survive.
We’ve been programmed to follow these parameters. We’ve grown up in a world that moves fast and gives us no chance to breathe. And we’ve accepted it as normal. We’ve internalized this belief, and sometimes, it requires a slap in the face from life to get self-aware to break out of that trap.
Where I forgot to choose me
I was formed as a visual artist, back in Colombia. But because I was sold the idea that “artists are poor,” I used my artistic talents for marketing, design, and communications to sell stuff for other brands. For years, I created content for others, until I finally decided to do it for myself.
The story of how I came back to my artistic essence and the detours I took along the way, I’ve shared in posts like this one: nobody told me I could do this, but I'm doing it anyway, in case you want to get more acquainted with my story and where this wisdom about choosing myself comes from.
I used my abilities, my talents, my knowledge for things that slowly killed me, until I died (metaphorically). For years, I let the world control the narrative. Trusting myself didn’t feel like a good idea. It was too scary to believe in myself, it meant walking a path with no roadmap.
I’m a multidisciplinary person. I do a lot of stuff: video, writing, dance, acting, singing, design, communication, teaching. I’ve always had multiple interests. And I was always told that this made me “unclear,” not “niched down,” not “boxable.” Which meant: I would not have success. Out of fear, I followed the path they gave me, and I shut down my own voice. But my inner child was screaming inside for years, hoping I’d let her out at some point, wishing I’d stop running this social marathon.
This process of learning to trust myself didn’t happen in a day or in a single therapy session. It’s been over three years, step by step, that I have been rebuilding the capacity to trust myself, no matter what it looks like.
Unshaping what was never mine
The first part of this discovery began when my identity “died” after giving birth to my son. Once the three months of postpartum recovery came to an end, I tried to pick up my career, but I failed. That was when I began shedding the person I was, the one who wasn’t really me.
I realized I didn’t want to keep doing the coaching business I had started. Because it wasn’t my dream. It was the idea of success I learned from people online who were making millions and living their “dream lives” on social media. I thought the only way to share my spiritual interests and personal growth wisdom was through building a 7-figure coaching business. But I was wrong. That wasn’t my soul’s plan. So I quit. I dropped everything I had built. And I entered a process of rediscovering what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it.
It didn’t take me three months or even a year. It took me over two years to maybe start seeing what it could be. In those two years, I focused on my inner world, getting closer to who I truly am. (I talk about this often in my blogs and videos, check them if this is something you're experiencing too.)
Eventually, I realized I’ve always been an artist. A creative. My inner child held the best clues to understanding my path, and by reconnecting with her, working on our relationship, I found myself. Through trial and error, through experimentation, through play, I slowly rebuilt the trust I had lost. That’s how Spiritual Lounge© was born.
Is it really a detour?
Two and a half months ago, I got a viral infection in my sinuses that sent me to bed. I had migraines so heavy I couldn’t do anything but sleep and rest.
At the time, I had been creating and posting weekly. I had a decent schedule. I was committed and consistent. I was working toward my vision, my goals. But life always brings chaos and disruption, especially when we’ve been deaf to the whispers.
Even though I was creating in alignment with my authentic self, I was still forcing it. For months, I was riding an emotional rollercoaster: anxious, stressed, and miserable about growing my channels. I was attached to making it work, even at the cost of peace. I didn’t care if it meant sacrificing my own rhythm. I was focused on keeping up with the algorithms, otherwise, I believed, I would never succeed.
My creative self was burned out. It was uninspired. It was dead. Because I wasn’t creating from sacred inspiration, I was creating from fear, from pressure, from comparison.
Then I was given a choice: keep running the marathon… or stop. Drop everything, and trust. I went offline. I said goodbye to the noise, and without explanations, I shut it all down.
For a month, I didn’t create anything. I didn’t do anything. I just rested. I worked on my inner self. I reconnected with my own rhythm, my own speed. The first weeks were hard, doubt, FOMO, and whispers of “you’re falling behind” tried to pull me back. But when I looked myself in the mirror, eye to eye, I told myself : it’s going to be okay.
By the second month, things got clearer. I didn’t want to quit. But I wanted to do it differently. I wanted to do it my way. At my speed. I rebranded. I realigned my channels. Spiritual Lounge© and my personal brand has a new face (you can check it here, if you are curious). But more importantly: I reclaimed my confidence. My peace. I realised that trusting myself is everything I need. Because trusting myself means I’m trusting God. Trusting the divine plan.
Maybe my success won’t look like anyone else’s, and that’s okay. I’m not in a rush to get to the front of the line. I prefer to enjoy my life now. I’m not interested in losing myself again to adapt to others. Success, I know now, is trusting myself. It means walking my path. And I will arrive where I’m meant to, even if it takes me years.
So, even though the world says “don’t”, I’ve decided to trust myself.
Con amor,
Jen 🫶
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